


And More Than Ever, I Hope To Never Fall

by Claudia_bm



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2764124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claudia_bm/pseuds/Claudia_bm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about a traveling circus of children, all of whom were outcasts and two of whom might've just realized that they were in love (with each other).</p>
            </blockquote>





	And More Than Ever, I Hope To Never Fall

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Cirque du Freaks by Darren Shan (the book not the movie, NEVER talk to me about that damn movie). Implied Gerard Way/Mikey Way. Many thanks to my lovely beta Allyvia who helped me fix this mess, couldn't have done it without her <3  
> Title taken from 'Carnival of Rust' by Poets of the Fall

One hour before showtime.

Lolo had the ticket booth open and started admitting people about half an hour ago. Although not many people had shown up yet, Patrick had had some customers, a couple of kids who didn’t look a day over fifteen despite the poster very clearly stated: adults only. They all knew that it was just for show. Lolo didn’t really care as long as they gave her enough money.

Patrick looked down at the crystal ball in front of him. He had been traveling with the circus for four years now, and had mastered his (fake) concentrating face to an expert level. He furrowed his brow and stared at one empty spot inside the ball as if he saw something. Although he had to admit, this new one was pretty impressive, smoke curling inside, light flashing every now and then. It made pretending to see stuffs happening much easier than the old one, which was just a normal glass ball. With that one, Patrick used to have to fake concentrating by looking transfixed at his own face. And he did not like to look at himself in the mirror on a good day much less a warped version in a glass ball.

The thing was, Patrick actually didn’t need any crystal ball. The moment the girl sat down in front of him, he could already tell what she was going to ask, and the answer to her question. It was funny, really, how you were a real fortuneteller pretending to be a fake one pretending to be a real one in a carnival. His customer was a cute girl with dark skin and a long pony tail. She wanted to ask about her chance of getting into this community college in town because she was afraid she would fail and became laughing stock to her friends and family.

Looking at her, Patrick could see Stanford, Harvard, a spaceship, a beautiful and healthy baby. Depending on what she chose, one (or even all) of this could be her future, but he saw no community college.

Patrick smiled. She was brilliant and capable. All she needed was a little push, and that he could do.

 

~

 

After his last customer had left Patrick had nothing to do but clean and rearrange his things. No queues stood at his doorway seeing that many people didn’t believe in this kind of clairvoyant anymore. _Not that I could blame them_ , he thought, somehow both amused and saddened. Patrick held in a yawn and looked around. He could see a small crowd standing around the lion cage, chattering excitedly as they peered at what was inside.

 _Ah_ , Patrick thought fondly, _Pete_.

Pete was, most of the time, kept in the lion cage. He usually slept before the show when Lolo opened to let people in, so probably most of what people were gaping at right now was his tail, which took up the majority of the space in the cage. Pete liked to sleep in the middle of his curled tail with his head pillowing on it, which meant most of the time only his mop of black hair was visible beside the tail. And although Patrick knew how impressive the tail was, long and thick, covered in brown scales with black zigzag marking running dorsally down to the tip, the tail really wasn’t enough to keep people interested for long. Some people started leaving, probably to find their seats.

It didn’t matter, they would have time to stare at him later anyway.

Speaking of which, Patrick checked the watch: ten minutes until the show began. He stood up and closed his little booth. It didn’t have anything valuable in it so Patrick wasn’t too worried about locking it up. He stretched, feeling stiff after sitting in one place for so long, and threw another look toward the cage before he set off.

Pete awoke just in time to see Patrick walking away.

 

~

 

At first, the show went smoothly without any incident. Victoria, in a black magician suit and hat tonight, started the show with the usual magic ‘tricks’ of disappearing cards, floating chairs and pulling doves out of thin air. Her performance was one of those that Patrick just wouldn’t miss for the world, no matter how many time he had seen it already. He would always be amazed by her beauty and the way she carried herself around the ring, feet gracing the dirt confidently. If he were to admit it though, he might have a tiny crush on her.

Right after Victoria’s came Gerard and Mikey’s acrobatic act, which everyone loved as usual. Patrick had never seen one crowd that wasn’t transfixed when the two brothers performed. Patrick himself had once or twice held his breath watching those two even though he _knew_. Testament to how good they were. Next was Andy, introduced to the audience as the Unbreakable Man, doing mouth-dropping things like standing still while an anvil was being dropped on his head and stood as target for Joe’s knife throwing act. Joe missed and hit him several times (on purpose) then admitted he didn’t know how to handle a knife. At this point he would be properly re-introduced again as the man who could grow his hair out indefinitely and suck it back in at will. Patrick would be leaving to change around this time, but he knew the schedule like the back of his hand. After Joe would be Spencer’s juggling act (balls, bowling pins, plates, chairs, people, people in chairs, and in that order), Brendon’s fire act (composed of a variety of fire breathing, fire eating, fire dancing with a hoop and finally, asking one of the audience to set him on fire. Brendon was a very charming boy and also, Patrick suspected, the reason why they had so many teenagers buying tickets) and Hayley’s dinner (jokingly called so by the circus because her act comprised of her eating stuffs. One would be surprised at what that little girl could stuff into his mouth: a tire, a cross, a table to mention a few). She left the audience behind in deafening cheers.

Then began the last performance of the night.

It went like this. Patrick walked out to the ring dressed as a Romani. He was supposed to be this fortuneteller of a small village who was loved by the villagers (played by the rest of the circus) because he helped with predicting weather for the crops or some shit like that. He told the audience he had travelled the seven seas, set foot to all continents and saw all things that needed to be seen, and so he could look into the past and the future. “Nothing could shield my vision.” He said. “For my gaze could penetrate any cloud of doubt and deceit.” Then he would ask two of the audience down to prove that he truly could see it all.

Truth was, while he hadn’t travelled anywhere but a few places in his country, Patrick could really see into the past and the future. But he wasn’t at all powerful. Patrick liked to think of himself more of an observer because while the past was fixed, the future wasn’t. More often than not he saw many possible versions of the future, but could only sometimes see what one had to do to get to them. And it wasn’t just him. The thing about this circus was, the performers really were freaks. Victoria could really manipulate objects at will. Gerard and Mikey could fly. Brendon could control fire. Spencer was unnaturally strong. Hayley had invincible teeth and stomach just like Andy had an indestructible body. Joe… well Patrick guessed Joe’s act was pretty self-explanatory.

Back to the performance, Patrick asked a young woman to come down to the ring. She looked a little nervous as she sat down and Patrick took her hand in his. There was no crystal ball in the performance and Patrick felt thankful for that. He just had to look at his customer directly in the eyes and went right on to the topic, which was, this time: “Don’t run off with that girl.” The young woman’s eyes widened at his words and her palm started sweating. “I know what you’re thinking, but it won’t end well. Stay where you are and things will get better. ” He finished just as Pete dropped down to the middle of the ring with a loud ‘thump’. The woman turned toward the sound, startled, and went even paler upon seeing him as Pete had pulled himself up on his tail like he was about to strike. When he did that, he stood taller than most people and most definitely a lot taller than Patrick. Patrick looked up at Pete’s yellow iris and vertical slit pupils, at the black scales covering the sides of his face and the way his forked tongue darted out, so utterly captivated he forgot to pretend to be terrified.

Someone in the audience screamed.

Pete let out a hiss and darted forwards. Spencer jumped in and dragged the young woman away from Patrick. She was so shocked she couldn’t muster a sound. Pete’s arms closed around Patrick as he fully lifted Patrick off of the ground and carried him back to the centre of the ring. Patrick faked a kick to Pete’s tail, and squirmed more than thrashed in his grasp. Pete’s arms tightened. Patrick could see the scales, adorning Pete’s skin like freckles and wondered why he was paying attention to those things at a time like this.

Truth be told this was actually Patrick’s favourite part. In the beginning when they had just started this, as Pete held him and hissed at the (slightly) frightened audience, Patrick would actually close his eyes and pretend that Pete was protecting him from the people who wanted to hurt him. It was the safest he had ever remembered feeling since forever. He no longer did that, but the feeling still lingered.

“Oh! The monstrous beast has kidnapped our most beloved prophet.” Gerard exclaimed, a little overdramatic and Patrick had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “Who would save the day?”

Music started and Gabe, in all his glorious (and silly) cape and mask swung out. He let go of the rope and did this amazing backflip in the air before landing on the ground. He didn’t even stagger. In the beginning, Gabe refused to take part in this act (“I talk to cobra, cobra!! That guy is an adder.”). But Lolo had somehow bullied him into doing it. Patrick didn’t know what she did but Gabe had looked at Pete with simmering anger in his eyes for weeks afterwards. Luckily for them, things smoothed out and Gabe could actually handle ‘this adder’ better than he thought he would. Patrick thought Gabe and Pete bonded over Gabe’s love for snakes more than anything.

The rest of the act was really just a dance routine. Gabe pretended to stab Pete with his sword and Pete dodged around the ring, struck out at Gabe occasionally. As usual, Pete dropped Patrick somewhere in the middle of their choreography and elicited some gasps. This was, of course, also staged with Patrick spending months perfecting his fall. He’d met the ground without any injury and rolled to the side, waiting for Pete and Gabe to finish. Brendon, Victoria and Hayley rushed to his side, playing the role of concerned villagers. Brendon and Hayley both looked a little more exhausted than the others, but all three of them were happy and giddy and Patrick couldn’t help but laugh along. Victoria pulled Patrick into a hug and kissed his cheek in a burst of adrenaline high and Patrick blushed all the way down his neck.  


The loud thud signaled Pete falling down and the act was over. But when they turned around, they saw him lying face down on the dirt, blood running from a much too large gash on his shoulder. Patrick’s first instinct had been to immediately run to Pete’s side and he had almost done just that if it wasn’t for Victoria tightening her hold around his arm. He would be thankful for that later, because Lolo absolutely did not tolerate interruption in her act. There was a temporary deafening silence before Pete braced himself up on one arm and looked at Patrick with a sad sort of expression, before he slithered away to the backstage.

The audience stood up cheering and clapping but the cast almost didn’t notice, even Gabe looked more than a little stunned. Pete didn’t come back out and they were all standing awkwardly around, not knowing what to do. Gerard had to physically push them in line for their final bow. When Lolo came out and Pete still hadn’t, the seriousness of the situation became clear to Patrick. There was no doubt that Pete would be punished heavily for this. Patrick became so worried he was unable to keep it from showing on his face. Pete was hurt he was bleeding he might not be coming out because he couldn’t. As soon as people started leaving, Patrick rushed backstage to find him.

Pete had already gone back inside his cage, lying on his side with his back toward the bars. Patrick could see his wound, untouched and still bleeding, fat drops of blood rolling down his back. Patrick could almost hear the drip drip sound of them landing on the floor and the brown scales of Pete’s tail. The door wasn’t locked, but before Patrick could reach out to it, Lolo yanked it open and climbed up.

She looked back over her shoulder at Patrick when he didn’t make a move to leave. Her face was marred with displeasure, her eyes icily cold and her lips a thin line of annoyance. Someone grasped Patrick’s arm and he shrugged that person away. They tugged at him again persistently. Patrick wouldn’t bug. Someone whispered in his ear. Brendon. “C’mon, you don’t want to make things worse, do you?” Worse? As if this wasn’t the worst already? He let himself be led away anyway just because it was Brendon. He pulled Patrick back inside. Patrick’s eyes didn’t leave the cage until the flap of the tent fell down, obscuring his view.

Brendon ushered him into the changing room. Everyone was already there. Gabe was sitting on the couch talking to Victoria. As soon as Patrick came in he stopped. Gabe stood up and walked over to Patrick, looking guilty and dejected. Patrick shook his head. Gabe didn’t need to explain because Patrick could already see what had happened. He could see, through Gabe’s view, how Pete was distracted and so wasn’t able to jump away from the blade when he was supposed to. The wound wasn’t much of a concern anymore. It seemed deep yes, but not fatally so. Pete’s reaction was what Patrick worried about. As his friends chatted idly about the performance to distract themselves, Patrick quietly changed out of his performing clothes.

Apprehension hung in the room, thick enough to see.

Upon Lolo’s entrance they all collectively shut up at once. She informed them Pete wouldn’t be leaving the cage for a month. And whenever he needed to be let out, she needed to be notified beforehand. “That’s all.” She yawned. “Let’s just go to bed, we’ll move early tomorrow.”  


Patrick breathed out a sigh of relief. That was, by Lolo’s standard, not actually too bad. When Patrick started performing with Pete and Gabe, she withheld food from him for a month and doubled his chores because she thought he would look cute thinner, and the audience would like him more. Joe had told him she only disciplined them because she wanted the best for them, wiping Patrick’s tears away as he wolfed down the piece of bread Andy had sneaked him. She wasn’t a bad person. She was strict like all parents were strict, because their kids had been wrong first. Spencer had said the same thing as he held a shaking Brendon in his arms. That was the time Brendon got thrown into a lake (he couldn’t swim) for talking back.

The tension followed her out of the room and the kids went back to fooling around, only this time it felt a lot more natural. Patrick then got into a brief fight with Gabe, Joe, Andy and Mikey over a bucket of water and the first-aid kit to decide who got to take care of Pete. He won dirtily by threatening to tell them all what he saw in their future. The effect was immediate, they all jerked back like the kit burned. Patrick cackled evilly in victory and all but ran out of there as their curses chased after him.

Pete was lying motionlessly in the same position. The wound had almost stopped bleeding. It looked ugly with dark red streaks clumped around the opening. Patrick slid the key in the lock and twisted it open. “Pete?” He said. “Can I come in?”

Pete didn’t acknowledge that he heard. Patrick shuffled on his feet, feeling a little awkward. Pete was acting really weird tonight. Patrick had never had to tiptoe around him. Did he want Patrick to leave him alone? The thought stabbed at his heart. Patrick bit his lips. “Pete.” He said, softer this time. He knew how hard it was for Pete (or actually, anyone) to say no to him when he used that tone. “Please, I just need to look at the cut on your shoulder. Then I’ll leave you alone if you want me to.”

Pete sighed and Patrick knew he had won. Slowly Pete sat up and his tail moved over to make place for Patrick to climb in. Patrick settled down on the floor behind him and set to clean the blood up. He tried to start a conversation, tried to ask Pete how he was feeling but Pete didn’t even turn around to face him once. He hung his head in a way that reminded Patrick of the long straight bang that used to shield his eyes and face when he did that. Lolo had Pete’s hair cropped a week ago even though Pete didn’t like it. He looked scarier that way, she explained with a shrug, more like a monster.

Pete didn’t flinch or hiss through any part of the procedure. By this time Patrick’s earlier sense of triumph had disappeared completely and his heart was beating more and more painfully by the seconds. A selfish part of him wanted this to last forever. He didn’t want to leave the cage, leave Pete. But as he finished tying the bandage and washed his hand in the semi-red water, Pete still hadn’t moved, so he had no other choice. Patrick cleared his throat, and was surprised that his voice didn’t shake when he told Pete he would come back later to check on him. He stood up and took a deep ragged breath before turning toward the door. His legs felt like they wanted to quit.

_Why wouldn’t you talk to me what happened did I do something wrong_

But Pete reached for him just before he walked out the door. He grabbed Patrick’s shirt and Patrick was so startled he dropped both the kit and the bucket. They fell to the ground with a series of loud clangs, forgotten almost immediately because suddenly Patrick was back inside and his arms were full of the friend that he loved more than himself sometimes, this boy who was hurting so badly from more than just the wound on his back.

“What can I do? Tell me Pete.” Patrick whispered desperately, face pressed into the crook of Pete’s neck: “Let me help you.”

Pete squeezed him and Patrick somewhat recalled Lolo warning him some snakes killed by suffocating and breaking its prey’s bones. He clung harder to Pete’s embrace.

No explanation was offered that night, but Pete didn’t stop Patrick from staying. He fell asleep with his head on Pete’s tail, Pete’s arm around his waist, and dreamed about big reptiles that lived deep in the dark of the jungle but never shied away from the sun.

  


~

 

After that, Patrick kept a close eye on Pete. He bargained with Lolo to let him drive Pete’s wagon (He had asked before. She’d refused because he had been too young to take care of the horses, but he was seventeen now) and managed to persuade her this time. He slept in Pete’s cage instead of in the tent with Gabe like he usually did. He set up his booth close to the cage whenever they stopped for a show and never left Pete on his own for too long. Patrick would finish whatever chores he had to do really quickly then returned to the cage or bring them back with him. He hung around when Pete cleaned the cage, discreetly checking the floor for scales.

Pete had, at one point in time, been pulling out scales on his arm and his tail. This had happened before Patrick joined the circus and was only recapped to him in hushed tone by Andy. Apparently Pete had grown too large for his old cage but Lolo had been unwilling to get him a bigger one because it was too expensive. This stressed Pete out immensely. No one had noticed what he was doing to himself for a few days until one morning Mikey caught him in the acy. Andy said no one could forget the horror of seeing the angry exposed dots of fresh on Pete’s body. So yeah, Patrick would be damned before he let that happen again, on his watch.

But then again, the blond boy didn’t exactly know the reason why he was doing all this. Pete didn’t seem that upset. In fact, he seemed to have returned to normal, although sometimes Patrick still caught him looking at Patrick thoughtfully. He smiled sheepishly when he got caught, but the smile never reached his eyes at all. Patrick thought maybe it was his clairvoyance guiding him. It did before, twice, but always during moments of life and death. So he wasn’t actually convinced with this theory either, but he had no other option to choose from. Maybe it was Pete’s strange behaviour? Or could it be something else entirely?

If only Pete would just tell him.

Patrick usually sought out Gerard or Victoria at a time like this. They were the oldest among the staff, both twenty this year and also the first kids that Lolo had bought, Gerard (and Mikey) from their parents and Victoria from another circus. Patrick didn’t know for sure how or why, no one here liked to talk about their past. Anyway, it wasn’t uncommon for the other kids to go to them for advice, especially Brendon and Spencer who were only fifteen. Patrick just somehow didn’t want to this time.

The answer, when it came, hit like a freight train and left him breathless.

 

~

 

It happened somewhere outside a big, busy town in the middle of summer, probably four or five months after the incident. Time was vague when one was on the road all the time. They had had all the tents and booths set up since the afternoon, ready for the night. Patrick had figured he would have an easy night seeing that he wasn’t going to perform tonight. Lolo wanted to try out a new act with just Pete and Gabe. He had just sat down and was wiping his crystal ball when Victoria came rushing to him.

Unknown to Patrick, Pete perked up inside his cage.

“Sweet, precious, darling Patrick.” Victoria said, pink-tinted face and a little breathless. Patrick caught her reflection on the crystal ball. Under the dimming daylight, she looked beautiful in a purple dress with black hair just long enough to cover her shoulder. He grinned and without looking up, asked: “What do you need Vicki?”

She put her hands on the small table on either side of the ball stand and leaned in closer to him: “I need you to cover me tonight.”

That was enough to make Patrick look up. “Huh?” He said, unsure. Victoria was usually in charge of the costumes and make up before show time, and both of those he knew nothing about. She groaned: “Lolo had me on ticket duty tonight and you know how much I hate that job. I really can’t deal with those snotty entitled people.” She pouted for good measure: “Please? I’ll stay around and make sure that Pete behaves.” She winked.

Patrick turned around to look at Pete, who had his head tilted. Pete shrugged and waved his hand, clearly meant ‘just go’. Patrick pursed his lips and look back at Victoria. “Sure.” He said. “But you own me one.”  


There was something a little mischievous about the way she grinned back at him.

Lolo did quite a good job of marketing for the show tonight it seemed. It was only ten past eight and the tickets were nearly all sold. Patrick yawned and stretched in his seat. He had never noticed how many different sorts of people came to the show. There was this group of five who all dressed in fancy, expensive clothes and came with presale tickets (Patrick honestly hadn’t even known they had presale tickets). Some people wore animal onesies and some looked like they were going to a Halloween party. Patrick made a mental note to tell Pete each time he saw something interesting. He chuckled as he remembered this couple who was practically attached at the hips. The guy seemed to be a few years younger than the girl, and he kept looking at her with this smitten look that was really endearing. It seemed to Patrick that he had seen that expression before.

Now, Patrick wasn’t that obtuse. On the contrary, he had had many people telling him he was too observant for his own good. Patrick didn’t know if it was part of his clairvoyance ability or just him being perceptive. Either way, Patrick tended to notice thing that people tried to hide, sometimes even before they were aware of doing it. Before it was the corrupted Mother Superior at the orphanage, his dad’s affair, his sister’s drug dealing thing, now it was Gerard and Mikey, Victoria’s addiction, Joe’s plan to kill himself when he first joined the circus. Point was: Patrick, more often than not, saw more than he wanted to see.

This was the point where it dawned on Patrick that he had seen that exact same expression on Pete’s face when Pete looked at him and realized that Pete was in love with him  


A guy knocked on the glass and Patrick was jerked from the thought. He gave Patrick the money and gestured he wanted three tickets. Patrick’s hand shook as he tore them off and handed them over. He forgot to even smile in return as the guy signed ‘thank you’ and walked off.

The rest of the night was a blurred and before Patrick knew it, he was inside watching Victoria pulling rabbits out of her pocket. She had on a blue suit with black shirt and looking as gorgeous as always, but Patrick just couldn’t focus on her or her performance with Pete on his mind. His heart throbbed with every beat, had been since the moment he realized... Patrick bit his lips... Pete loved him. But what about Patrick?

“Hey.” Someone put a hand on his shoulder and Patrick’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest. Joe’s laughter rang in his ears: “I knew it. Could hear you thinking from the other side of the place.”

“That wasn’t funny.” Patrick crankily said. “Whoa touchy touchy.” Joe held his hands up and stepped back a little. Patrick just gave him and his dumb face a glare. Joe dropped his hands, chuckling: “Shouldn’t think too much or you’ll hurt your head kiddo.” A whistle went off. “Ah that’s my cue.” Joe said. Then he was gone.

Stupid Joe. Patrick huffed. As if there was anything Patrick could do but think.

But maybe, a voice whispered in his head, the problem wasn’t thinking about it, or not thinking about it, but what to think about.

The signs were all there, he just never recognized them. People said you could recognize love by the way a person touched you, with trembling hands like they couldn’t help but be drawn to you. You could tell by the way they sought you out because even the thought of being apart from you was too much for them. Or just simply by how they looked at you, foolish smile and exaggerated sigh and hopeless affection in their eyes.  


Patrick thought of Pete who couldn’t speak. He thought of Pete whose nightmares woke him up in the middle of the night. He thought of Pete who hurt himself because he believed people when they told him he was a monster. He thought of Pete who had a human body and a snake tail that began just a few centimeters below his navel.

Then he thought of himself understanding everything Pete wanted to say. He thought of himself whom Pete crept out of his cage with moonlight following the shadow of his tail to see. He thought of himself singing Pete to sleep. He thought of himself being unwilling to leave Pete’s side. He thought of himself hurting when Pete was hurting. He thought of himself finding Pete more beautiful than anything, anyone he’d ever laid eyes on.

Patrick was, again, deep in his thought for so long that when he looked up Pete was in the middle of the ring. Their eyes met and Pete cracked a fleeting, barely-there smile at Patrick before turning his focus back on Gabe.

Patrick smiled too. It was funny, how oblivious he always was when it came to Pete.

It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The blond boy felt giddy and lightheaded, barely paid attention to anything. If he had, he would have seen practically everyone snickering at him being so transparently in love. If he had, he would have noticed how weird it was that Victoria grinned dirtily at him every time their eyes met, or that Gerard and Mikey were lacing their fingers, matching look of adoration on their face. If he had, he would have heard Andy muttering ‘bout time’ while shaking his head. Even Lolo seemed amused.

They camped far enough from the town that it was just a noise in the distance. The summer night was warm but not too warm. There was a light breeze every now and then that brought with it the smell of grass and the sound of mating male cicadas singing.

They were facing each other, Pete excitedly making gestures to describe the new act with Gabe. They were erratic and of course didn’t follow any rule (just like Pete himself). No one ever taught Pete sign language. Patrick chuckled, only half paying attention as his eyes followed the movement of Pete’s arms, trailing up from the dark patch of scales circling his right wrist, to the smooth skin on his forearm, to the small scars on his shoulders where some of his scales once were, and finally to Pete’s face, faintly visible in the dark. Patrick had no doubt about what he discovered, so he wondered why he was hesitating.

Pete stopped, having finished reenacting the whole performance. He was breathing a little quickly but couldn’t seem to stop grinning as he looked at Patrick expectantly. Pete always wore his heart on his sleeve. Patrick could picture his heart of glass, hung by a thin red string that was just ready to snap. Sometimes Patrick looked at him and couldn’t help but flinch, what if the line broke into two and the heart fell and shattered into a million pieces.

Then he would be there to catch it. Patrick bit his lips. Or better yet, it would never fall because he would not let that happen. He would never allow it to happen.

In the end, he didn’t remember who initiated the kiss.

Their lips pressed together and Patrick was sure he stopped breathing completely. Later, when he was coherent enough to string words together, he would say the feeling was similar to an electric shock. Although the chaste kiss only lasted for a few seconds, it sent tingles throughout his whole body. A wave of warmness washed over him. Patrick allowed himself to reach up and touch Pete’s face. He opened his eyes.

Pete looked daze with his lips parted. He still had his eyes closed and was unconsciously leaning into Patrick’s palm. They were so close Patrick could feel Pete’s breath fanning his nose. He felt like giggling. “Hey, you big dork.” Patrick said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Pete opened his eyes just a crack like he was still five or something, darting his tongue out. Patrick almost choked on adoration alone. He caressed Pete’s cheek, thumb stroking a black scale on the side of his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Patrick said without thinking. The words slipped out of him unfiltered sounding like an accusation. Pete’s eyes snapped open. His yellow eyes seemed to glow in the dark. There was a fierce look in them as he stared at Patrick, but then those eyes softened. And he pointed to himself.

Patrick swallowed. His own eyes stung.

Pete’s lips curved upwards into a tiny, rueful smile. He leaned up on his elbow and took Patrick’s hand in his, pressing both to his chest. Patrick smiled too, unshed tears gleaming.

Patrick was sure this time that they met halfway.

Their lips fitted as perfectly the second time as the first. In that moment, Patrick’s world shrunk down to just Pete. He felt Pete’s heart beating under his skin as his lips moved over Patrick’s and Pete’s tail curled in around them. At some point, Pete let go of Patrick’s hand in favour of moving himself fully on top of Patrick. He lied between Patrick’s legs, body pressing into his and pinning him down.

They kissed for a long time, drawn-out movement and slow, leisure caresses. Pete kept stroking Patrick’s cheek, his hair, his ear. He ran his fingers slowly along Patrick’s jawline, creeping down to his neck every now and then. Both of Patrick’s hands were placed on Pete’s collarbones. He tried his best to mimic Pete’s soothing motion, petting the warm skin and dry scales under his palms hoping it had the same effect on Pete as Pete’s was having on him. When they broke apart, Pete lied down on his side and immediately pulled Patrick into his arms. He gently laid kisses on Patrick’s hair, the top of Patrick’s head and the tip of his ear. Patrick sighed. His lips felt wet and a little numb from all the kissing. He rubbed his cheek against Pete’s neck and fell asleep with happiness shimmering inside him, lighting up his very core.

 

~

 

There was no awkward dancing in the morning, the kind that happened when people couldn’t meet each other’s eyes because of bitter regret. They went to sleep as Pete and Patrick and woke up still Pete and Patrick. Nothing had changed although everything had. Patrick eased easily into consciousness and opened his eyes to Pete looking at him with that expression again. He kissed Pete morning and they pulled themselves up and out of the cage for breakfast.

Almost everyone had gathered around the breakfast tent when they arrived. The only person missing was Hayley, but the twelve-year-old liked to sleep in on most days so that wasn’t really a surprise. Victoria spotted Pete and Patrick coming first and she waved enthusiastically at them. Breakfast must’ve included waffles this morning. Patrick mused. Victoria only got excited this time in the morning when there were waffles around. He waved back with his left hand, because his right was clasped in Pete’s. Victoria noticed immediately and she started wolf whistling at them. That drew the attention of everyone and soon enough they all joined in, clapping and hollering and patting Pete’s back like Pete and Patrick had just gotten married. Their cook, Courtney, shoveled food onto their plates, cooing at them all the while. Patrick ducked his head to hide the blush that was creeping up his face but he could not stop smiling, nor could he find it in himself to let go of Pete’s hand. Lucky for him, his friends gradually settled down and stopped the teasing (because hello, food). They started talking about the next cities, the next towns they were traveling to, the next carnival they were attending. Pete sat down next to Patrick, a warm solid present at his side. They shared some of the food on their plates and occasionally chimed in a few sentences. Nothing was different except they turned to share a kiss every now and then. And Patrick laughed along with his friends as the summer sun shone down at them from high blue sky that always felt like forever.

Just like this.

**Author's Note:**

> As to why Lolo was the bad guy in this: well at first I thought Mark would be suitable for that role, but then I changed my mind. Casting Courtney for the role would make this too American Horror Story. I don't watch that show and I don't like it, so... Lolo it was


End file.
